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Widows in India: My children threw me out of the house

Many communities in India still shun widows and they are abandoned by their families due to superstition.

Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
Thousands of widows, most of them disowned and abandoned by their families, live in deplorable living conditions in the cities of Vrindavan and Mathura. [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
By Showkat Shafi
Published On 7 Mar 2016

Vrindavan, India – Self-immolation, sati, on a husband’s pyre may have been banned in India, but life for many widows in India is still disheartening as they are shunned by their communities and abandoned by their families.

“I used to wash dishes and clothes in people’s house to earn money, but the moment they heard that I am a widow, I was thrown out without any notice,” said 85-year-old Manu Ghosh, living in Vrindavan, a city in the Northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh.

Vrindavan is home to more than 20,000 widows, and over the years, many shelters for widows run by the government, private enterprises and NGOs have mushroomed in the city. The city, which is considered holy by Hindus, has become known as the ‘City of Widows’.

“I had to sleep on the street as even my family abandoned me after my husband’s death. I was married off to him when I was 11 years old and he was 40.

“My daughter died of malnutrition as I could not give her food since nobody wanted to help a widow.

“After her death, I decided to come to Vrindavan. A woman should die before her husband’s death so that she doesn’t have to live through hell like this,” Gosh says.

The women often live in acute poverty and are ostracised by society due to various superstitions – even the shadow of a widow can wreak havoc and bring bad luck, people believe. Lack of education and any source of income forces them to beg on streets and many turn to prostitution for survival. 

“My children threw me out of the house after my husband died,” says Manuka Dasi. “I try to earn money by singing devotional songs in temple and manage to get one meal for the day. I am just waiting to die so that I can be out of this life of misery.”

Follow Showkat Shafi on Twitter: @ShowkatShafi

Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'My children abandoned me after the death of my husband,' 67-year-old Subudra Dasi said. 'I walked, hitched rides from truck drivers, slept on roads, and finally reached Vrindavan. These widows are my family, and here I lead a life of dignity.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
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Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
Maya Rani, 80, says: 'I have no one in this world. I am all alone. Being a widow is the biggest curse for a woman. Throughout my life, I have longed for respect and some dignity.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
Forced to leave their homes, these widows find solace in each other's company. They share rooms in the shelter and try to live like a family. The shelters are cramped with dingy rooms and become these women's homes for life. [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
Rada Dasi, 82, said, 'It's a lifelong sentence of humiliation and struggle. I have been in this temple for more than 60 years, and now I don't remember anything about my home-town. I wait for death every day so that I get some relief.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'I went to my parent's house after I was widowed, but even my parents had turned into monsters,' said Meera Dasi, 73. 'The time I spent with them after the death of my husband was a nightmare. I was beaten, starved, and not allowed to enter the main house to socialise with other family members. I ran away and Vrindavan has been my home since then.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'I was 18 when my husband died. I was thrown out of the house by my in-laws because they feared that I would demand a share in the ancestral property,' said Arti Mistri, who is now 65 years old. 'Even my own brother didn't want me to live with his family because widows bring bad luck. Vrindavan was my last refuge.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
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Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'I was barely nine years old when I was forced to marry a 40-year-old man,' said Pingela Maiti, 85. 'He died within a few years, and I returned to my maternal home as a child widow. They made me shave my head, and I was forced to beg for food. I ran away from that life and moved to Mathura to be with the widows. I found others like me here and a purpose in life.' Mathura is another holy city in Uttar Pradesh where widows have found refuge. [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'The only thought that bothers me is that nobody will mourn my death,' said Moloya Boyragi, 85. 'I will die unwanted and unloved.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'My husband died. I had one son and three daughters. I left them with my parents as I didn't want them to suffer because of me,' 90-year-old Lolita Debnath remembered. 'Everybody taunts widows. In all these years, my son came just once to see if I was alive.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'Growing up, I had never thought that I would have to beg for food,' said Subudra Gosh, 65. 'But I had to when I was thrown out of the house after my husband died. One kind man helped me. He helped me get a train from my village in Bengal and I reached here.' [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
'I was a child bride married to an old man, and he died soon after our marriage. I was left to deal with the world that only abused and humiliated widows,' said Prema Dasi, 60. [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]
Indian Abandoned Widows [Showkat Shafi/ Al Jazeera]
The widows living in the shelter cook their own food using the money they earn by either begging or singing devotional songs at temples. [Showkat Shafi/Al Jazeera]