Perhaps National Rifle Association (NRA) Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre, his mouth foaming from the corner during his appearance on Meet the Press last week, can become the new face of the Tea Party half-wits trying to burn down Washington, DC, with their Monster-Truck, tractor-pull style of governing.
LaPierre - who seems to get so excited by the thought of deadly gunplay that he transmogrifies into the kind of blood lusting, incubus you might remember from The Lost Boys (see Wayne, I can make 1980s' violent-film references too!) - is truly representative of a right-wing worldview we've seen in action in Washington, DC, this past week.
LaPierre's sickness is one part greed, one part something you'd need Sigmund Freud, BF Skinner and Dr Ruth Westheimer to figure out. But his and his organisation's callous disregard for 6 and 7-year olds murdered in Newtown, Connecticut, each shot 3-11 times by a crazed gunman with a product LaPierre would hand over to every would-be Machine Gun Kelly, ain't a bug - it's a feature.
Compassion simply need not apply anymore for a patent on these people's souls.
Not coincidentally, NRA President David Keene also thinks more guns in the hands of madmen would solve all our nation's ills, which makes total sense, as his son, institutionalised with "severe emotional problems" seven times between the ages of 8 and 13, was still able to get his hands on a handgun, largely because of, well, Keene. Shockingly, Keene-the-younger used that "freedom" to start shooting at another driver while out for a casual jaunt on the George Washington Memorial Parkway, for which he went to prison.
Apparently, to the Keene family, traffic really is murder (thankfully, nobody was actually hurt in this particular incident).
But at least, I suppose, these NRA ghouls are consistent nihilists who look at a certain number of dead American children as "the cost of doing business".
Gun lobbying group says more guns
are the answer
As author Tom Diaz exposed in his just-released report, Bloody Reel - HowThe NRA And The Gun Industry Exploit Violent Movies To Sell Guns… And More Guns, while Wayne Lapierre was rhetorically asking the press, "Isn't fantasising about killing people as a way to get your kicks really the filthiest form of pornography?," the NRA's National Firearms Museum at its Fairfax, VA Headquarters was proudly exhibiting "famous guns" used in some of the most notoriously violent murders in film.
Yes, the apparent "filthy pornography" kings at the NRA aren't even trying anymore.
Meanwhile, many others on the Right still don't seem to be in on the joke. For example, Rep Peter King of Long Island.
When King's party left Washington without providing aid to victims of Hurricane Sandy, one of the worst natural disasters in US history, King justifiably exploded. But in righteous anger, he offered that "turning your back on people who are starving and freezing is not a Republican value!" To which most sentient beings would respond, "yes, it is".
In fact, among the GOP leadership in Washington and the most rabid Lapierre-like members of the party's base, it's up there with teaching kids about how Puff the Magic Dragon was real, or the female form has some kind of a Death Star that prevents pregnancy via rape.
Did King - and Chris Christie, the equally angry and hoagie-esque GOP governor from New Jersey - not watch the GOP presidential debates? The ones where audience members cheered leaving a motorcycle-crash victim without health insurance on the side of the road to die?
Have they missed the many times members of their party have compared children on government assistance to animals, or cut unemployment insurance to those on the verge of "starving and freezing?"
You know, like Jesus would do.
Perhaps this is best summed up with a story. GOP Senator Mark Kirk of Illinois tragically suffered a stroke about a year ago, from which he is still recovering. This has given Kirk a newfound appreciation for improving Medicaid (which his party is working diligently to gut right now), as he's acknowledged that if he'd only been eligible for 11 rehabilitation sessions covered by the programme, he "would have had no chance to recover like I did".
So why is it again that Conservatives have to experience their kids being shot or having a stroke or being victim of a hurricane to understand the need for government to protect "the general welfare" and "domestic tranquility?" (Hint: this appears in a document conservatives supposedly revere).
Don't bother answering. Like Lapierre's questions, mine was rhetorical.
Cliff Schecter is an author, pundit and public relations strategist whose firm Libertas, LLC handles media relations for political, corporate and non-profit clients.
Follow him on Twitter: @CliffSchecter
The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect Al Jazeera's editorial policy.